AnnikaBomark.com

Written by Annika Bomark (this is not channeled)

This is my cat Emmy, bigger version on Flickr

I think where it really started was when my grandfather died. He was the first person I loved that died, at least he was the first since I was old enough to understand it.

I believe that the first time someone you love dies is the hardest, because that is when you need to come to your own conclusions about what happens when someone dies, what you are going to believe in.

At least that is how it was for me.

I took it very hard when he died, I had not expected it at all, even though he had been ill for a long time. I believed that he would get well, perhaps I was just in denial about it.

As a result, I had many regrets, and I felt very guilty about things I wished would have been different. I was very depressed for a long time, it felt like my life had collapsed completely.

I still credit the kitten I got at the same time, the cat that I now know is of the same Soul as I am, that I survived at all. Perhaps I would have anyway, but I believe it was meant to be that she came to me to be my reason to live at that time.

(Before I found Abraham, I believed that everything that happens is meant to be, it happens for a reason (this is after this story took place). I still do, but now I know that I’m the one that means it to be, and not some fuzzy idea of “fate”.)

Anyway, back to my story. I was very depressed, and I wasn’t sure if people still existed after they’d died, even though I wanted to believe that so badly. So I asked for a sign if it was true. I asked my grandfather, my grandmother (his wife) and her sister to send me a sign if they still existed.

A few days after (I think it was), I got my sign. I had sleeping problems, so I was up at four in the morning, looking out the window. It was dawn.

Then I saw them.

Three deers, walking by just outside my window, at the edge between the lawn and the parking lot of the apartment building.

Now, to understand how miraculous this was, I lived in the very north of Sweden, in the small town I was born in. That far north in Sweden, there are no deer. At all, to my knowledge before then.

I had never heard of anyone who had ever seen a deer for miles and miles from the town I lived in. In the north of Sweden, there are reindeers (caribou), and occasionally moose.

But that kind of small deer, never. They only live in the middle and south of Sweden, which is a country stretched out to the north and south, with quite big differences in climate.

And there were three of them, too. As many as the relatives I had asked for a sign.

It felt like magic.

And it gave me hope, a light to hold on to in the darkness, for months until I started to doubt again. What if it had just been a fluke? Could there really be life after death?

And so I asked for a sign again. I asked my grandfather and grandmother to give me a sign if they still existed.

And I got it.

It wasn’t the next day, but I got my sign. The situation was much the same, dawn, the window. This time, I saw two hares, grazing in companionship. Hares I had seen before, but never two so close to each other. And they stayed for a long time, and I watched them.

My grandfather and grandmother had an amazing, true love relationship. When he died, she followed him only a month later.

The hares gave me hope to hold on to for months (though I am not quite sure about the exact timing in this story; I’m mostly guesstimating), but about a year later, I think, I lost faith again. And again, I asked for a sign, I asked my grandfather to give me a sign if he really was there.

And I got my sign.

This time, I was riding in the car with my mom, down a pretty big road. And suddenly, just in front of our car, though not at risk to be run over, an unusual, strange-looking animal ran across the road.

It was a mink.

And minks, they are definitely not a part of the wildlife in Sweden. At all. There are only a few, that animal activists have released from mink farms. And that’s not any where near our town. It must have somehow escaped on it’s own. And to see one in almost the middle of town, running across the road? There is no way that could have happened without some divine guidance!

At this point, I was quite sure that he really did still live on somehow, LOL! However, I was still feeling very guilty about one specific thing that happened before he died.

I came to the conclusion that I just couldn’t forgive myself for what had happened. And I asked him to give me a sign if he had forgiven me, because I could not forgive myself.

This time, I did not get a sign.

It was even better than that. I got to meet him and talk to him.

It was in a dream, but it felt completely real, and I know that it was. He was dressed in white, and we met in a garden in front of a white house. And we talked.

I do not remember what he said, but I do know that he felt only love for me and there was nothing to forgive. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I woke up free of the guilt I had felt for so long.

The story you’ve just read was the start of my journey into something more. Before my grandfather died, I had just lived life on autopilot, trying my best to get through what was before me.

When he died, I needed to believe there was something more, beyond the daily struggle, and if there is truly such a thing as the beginning, other than our birth being the beginning of the story of this lifetime of ours, then this is mine.

To be continued..

With Love,

Annika Bomark

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